


If I Wasn’t Already in Hell - [Harry x Draco Crack Drabble]

by TechnoFay



Series: I Suppose "Hell" Is Relative [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alpha Harry, Bad Jokes, Bad Parenting, Bottom Draco, Bottom Severus Snape, Christmas, Christmas is Saved, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Harry's Cherry, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inappropriate Humor, Lucius Malfoy's A+ Parenting, M/M, Out of Character, Sexual Humor, Sirius Black's Flying Motorbike, Sorry Not Sorry, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Top Harry Potter, Top Lucius Malfoy, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoFay/pseuds/TechnoFay
Summary: More trash. It's all OOC so yeah... have fun.





	

“You can call me daddy too,” Snape informed Draco, who gawked at the greasy man in the crook of his father’s arm. As if ruining Christmas wasn’t enough for him…

“But–”

“No buts Draco my cupcake, now come give your daddies a kiss,” Lucius said, and Draco obeyed, pecking both his father and Snape on the cheek, then wiping his mouth off on the sleeve of his green and white pajamas.

“Now go get ready, you’ll be going back to school in the morning.” Draco tried to pull his best pouty face, sticking his lip out and even shedding a few tears, but daddy and daddy were unmoved.

“Fine…” he stormed off, his foot skidding on the floor a bit – as the fabric of his footie pajamas having little traction – and sending him sliding into a nearby cabinet.

The wooden doors rattled a bit, but were otherwise unmoved by the hit, and Draco stood, brushing himself off and continued on his way to his room, slamming the door hard, then opening it and slamming it again for good measure.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come around,” Lucius said reassuringly.

“Now, let’s see how close you can get to touching your toes again,” he sneered and Snape shivered at the thought. His back still was quite sore…

* * *

Meanwhile, Draco was throwing things around in his room, trying to find the last of his books. Stomping around the room in anger. Why couldn’t Snape go ruin someone else’s life?

He had just tossed the last of his things into his trunk when something distracted him.

There was a revving sound outside his window and Draco went over to investigate, tugging back the curtains to reveal a motorcycle flying up to the mansion.

Draco quickly stepped back as the bike came down on the balcony, breaks screeching to a stop a few inches short of the window, and it was then by the light of the moon – and all the lights outside, that Draco finally saw who was on the bike.

Harry Potter, of all people. Harry, killed the engine and put up the kickstand, struggling to keep the bike up. The bike was much to big for him, but Draco thought it made Harry look all the more rugged as he watching him dismount and walk up to the window, his fist going through it before Draco could let him in.

Draco fought the urge to pee his pants in excitement as Harry stepped inside, picking out pieces of glass from his knuckles without flinching.

“You’re here! Here to rescue me!” Draco gushed, running up to grip at his arms, and Harry looked at him, letting out a loud snort, answering in a deep raspy husk.

“Damn right babe, did you miss me?” Draco was taken back by the gruff way Harry spoke; had he really grown up that much over break? But then Harry started coughing, clearing his throat and spoke again, his voice normal.

“But before we go, I think we have some unfinished business from before you left on break…” he said smoothly, smacking Draco hard on his butt.

“Bu-but my Father–”

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it quick, then we’ll leave,” Harry interrupted, twirling Draco around and then tossing him onto the bed where he lay on his back.

“Now say the thing I like,” Harry ordered as he stepped closer. Draco sighed lightly, then drew in a breath, his face going serious as he spoke in his best smug rich boy voice.

“Potter.”

“Perfect,” he said, pulling down the zipper of his pajamas and making Draco whimper. Harry slipped his hand down into his Forbidden Forest, hunting down Draco’s basilisk. Taking hold of it, he flopping it back and forth so it slapped against Draco’s thighs.

“You like it?”

“Umm… I guess…” Draco said slowly, crying out as Harry flipped him over so he was on his stomach. He shed Draco’s footie pajamas like they were a banana peel and tossed them aside, staring at Draco like he was a naked banana, ripe for a split.

“And now for the cherry on top…” Harry muttered as he dug around in his pocket, pulling out a rather smashed maraschino cherry and placed it on top of Draco’s ass, his hand on his hip so Draco wouldn’t move.

“Now if you’re nice and loud, I promise not to pull your hair too hard…” He said, crossing his fingers as Draco nodded in agreement. Harry had just begun to unbutton his pants when there was a loud bang as the door burst open, Snape stepping in, his hair full of pink curlers.

“What are you doing here Potter?! Violating my son no less!” Snape shouted, pulling his chiffon nightgown around him as Lucius appeared in the doorway.

“Never mind that, why is he here in our house? Destroying my property! Leave Potter,” Lucius spat as he drew out his wand. Snape stepped aside so he wasn’t hit by the spit, looking on in disgust at the pair on Draco’s bed. Draco sat up to argue, the cherry rolling across the floor and under his bedside table.

“No! Harry and I love each other and we’re running away together!”

“Eeh… love each oth–  yeah, alright. We are definitely running away,” Harry amended, pulling his pants back up as Draco scuttled across the floor to put his pajamas back on.

Harry drew out his wand, pointing it towards the two men at the entryway.

“You’ll never catch us!” He shouted as Draco ran past with his suitcase, Harry hot on his heels, pausing only to summon the fallen cherry on the floor and cram it back into his pocket.

“My baby!” Snape wailed, Lucius holding onto his arm so he wouldn’t run out onto the balcony.

“No… leave them. Draco will come back to us. He’s a good boy,” Lucius murmured as the engine of the bike roared to life. They watched as the motorcycle rose up, skimming one of the tree tops before disappearing into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Good to see you made it. I'm still not sorry.


End file.
